Reminiscing of her
by SERIOSLYNICK
Summary: Just a little story I cooked up in my spare time. An alternate ending to 'Hollow Queen'. I hope you enjoy, please review. Spoilers for season 5.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, SERIOSLYNICK here, giving you a little one-shot, based off of 'Hollow Queen'. It's an alternate ending, during the dinner. Sorry for not updating in a long time, I had a couple problems I needed to take care of. Merlin reminiscing of Freya warning, so if you don't like some sad Frelin, don't read. I personally don't mind them. It would be awesome if she lived, though. So yea, spoilers for Season 5 episode 8. Read and review.**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin**

**_Start_**

Merlin

"So, Merlin. Why don't you tell us about her?" Arthur asked, expecting an argument.

Merlin looked at Gwen for a long time while pouring her water. Betrayal in his carefully masked face. Gwen saw, and she _smiled_. "Yes, _Mer_lin. Tell us." She said politely. Faked, of course.

Merlin smiled at her politely. Also faked. _Two can play at _this _game, _my lady_. _He sarcastically thought. "Ah yes. She was perfect, my _lord_." Merlin began, "Her name was Freya."

To her credit, Gwen actually looked surprised. Merlin glanced at Arthur, and saw he had his eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Freya." Arthur said.

Merlin nodded. "Yes, I'm sure you would have liked her." He said, smiling cheerfully all the while. He spared a glance at Gwen, and seeing her barely disguised surprise, he smiled all the more cheerfully. Then, after looking at Arthur, all the memories of _her _came back, full force. Especially of how she died.

Merlin swallowed back those memories, they would be of no use as of right now.

"Continue, _Mer_lin." Arthur ordered.

Merlin nodded. "Alright." Merlin began. "She was-is beautiful." Merlin finished. He almost slipped. If Arthur found out she died, he would ask questions. Questions he couldn't answer. Not yet, anyways.

"Go on." Arthur impatiently said.

"Yes, Merlin. Go on. It sounds like I would like to meet this Freya." Gwen added.

Merlin turned his head toward Gwen, glaring at her full force. Luckily, Arthur couldn't see. "And I would just _love _if you could meet her." He said with barely disguised venom. And hate.

Gwen could see the venom, however. And the part of her that was the old Gwen, mourned bitterly for the hate Merlin has for her. The new Gwen, however, smiled brightly. "That would be wonderful." She said.

Arthur playfully glared at Merlin. "Stop _stalling_, Merlin!" He ordered.

"Of course, my lord. She likes strawberries." Merlin said. As if that was all he would have to say.

Arthur rolled his eyes, annoyed. "_More_, Merlin! Where does she live, how old is she?!" He asked.

"She is my age." Merlin answered, avoiding the other question.

"And where does she live, Merlin?!" Arthur asked, completely fed up with Merlin avoiding the questions.

Merlin snapped. How _dare _he think this is some stupid crush on someone. After _all _Arthur has done for her, this is the worst insult. "She lives in the lake of Avalon!" He yelled.

Arthur looked unperturbed. "Who lives in a lake?" He asked.

That did it. Merlin was _furious_. _Calm yourself, Merlin. _He thought to himself. He counted to ten, then said, "It's her grave, Arthur." Before Arthur could reply, Merlin stormed out of the room. Because he can never see Freya again. He can never feel the touch of her hand on his. He can never hear her voice on his ears. He could never taste her lips on his. They were wishes that can never come true. Ever. She was dead, he was alive. It was an impossible barrier between their love. A barrier no one can ever over come. The only thing he could do is keep on living. Just grin and bare it, his motto. Because that's the only thing he could rely on. Himself.

_Finish_

**Yea, bad ending, I know. Sorry. I couldn't think of how else to finish it. Did you like it? Tell me what you think. Check out my other stories. And if you are reading my story, Life as a Royal, I'll update sometime today. Again, read and review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, it's SERIOSLYNICK here, bringing you chapter 2 of Reminiscing of her. Yea, I know, I wasn't thinking of making a chapter two, but I couldn't resist. I hope you all enjoy, please review.**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.**

**_**Start_

Arthur awkwardly leaned back. So, this 'Freya' was dead, and she was Merlin's love. _What do I do now? _Arthur was at a lost. He made Merlin tell him, so all this was his fault. _I should _try _to make it up to him_. Arthur thought. He glanced at Gwen, his wife. She looked surprised, too. She probably just thought that Merlin was seeing a _living _girl. Not her grave.

"I should do something, shouldn't I?" Arthur asked her.

Gwen looked unsure of herself. "I'm sure all he needs is a little alone time." She softly said.

Arthur shook his head. "No, I need to do something." He declared. Arthur stood quickly, knocking over his chair, and raced out the door to find Merlin.

"Arthur!" Gwen called, but he was already out the door.

_Break_

"Merlin!" Arthur called, but got no reply. _Come on, Merlin! _Arthur couldn't find him, and it was driving him mad. "Merlin!" He yelled as he came across another corridor. No reply. Finally, Arthur realized that Merlin would probably be in his room.

After reaching the door to Gaius' chambers, he knocked. "Hello?" Gaius' voice answered.

"It's me. Arthur." Arthur said in reply.

Gaius opened the door. "To what do I owe this pleasure, sire?"

Arthur strolled in the room. "Have you seen Merlin?" He asked.

Gaius frowned. "No, is there something wrong, sire?" Gaius asked.

Arthur shook his head. "No, I'm just looking for him." Arthur replied. "Well, I must be going. Places to see, people to meet," He paused. "Servants to find." Arthur walked out the door. Where could that man be?

Eventually, Arthur found himself outside. He slowly walked down the stairs toward the stooped figure of Merlin. Arthur could hear his sniffles.

"Merlin." Arthur said gently.

If Merlin heard him, he gave no indication that he did. "Merlin!" Arthur tried again.

Merlin sat straighter and stopped his sniffling. "What do you want?" Merlin asked quietly.

Arthur sat down next to his friend. "How did she die?" Arthur asked him.

Merlin looked down as if deep in thought. A couple teardrops hit the ground. "S-she was killed. A-a knight of Camelot." Merlin finally said.

Arthur gave a start. "W-what? That's impossible! Why would they want to kill her?! Was she some criminal?" Arthur fiercely asked.

Merlin took a deep breath. "No." He said. Merlin shook his head. "She was no criminal. Wrong place at the wrong time."

Arthur awkwardly patted Merlin's back. "What happened?" He softly asked.

Merlin looked up at him. "T-the knights were looking for a sorcerer in the woods. S-she was just gathering herbs for dinner when the knights found her. They-they killed her, because they thought she was the s-sorcerer." Merlin explained tearfully.

Arthur felt bad. One of _his _knights killed _Merlin's _lover. And from what he knew about Merlin, this was probably his only love. He would have to make it up to Merlin somehow. Maybe give him the day off.

Immediately, Arthur knew what had to be done. "Come on, Merlin. Get up." Arthur ordered as he got up.

Merlin slowly got up. "I-is there something I must do?" Merlin asked. Arthur winced. His friend expects him to give him an order, right after explaining how the love of his life died from one of his own knights.

"Correct." Arthur stated. "I need you to prepare for a three-day journey. Have the horses prepared and supplies collected. Tomorrow we ride at first light to the lake of Avalon." Arthur announced.

Merlin looked at him in shock. "R-really?" Merlin asked.

"Really." Arthur confirmed.

Merlin got up excitedly. "A-alright sire!" And Merlin went up the stairs, probably to pack.

Arthur sighed to himself. At least he was able to make it up to Merlin.

_Break_

Merlin felt terrible.

He had not yet recovered fully from the poisoning from Morgana, and was physically exhausted. Now he was forced to remember Freya, and that certainly doesn't contribute to good health. What makes it worse, was the fact he just lied to his best friend. Arthur may not be the best of friends, but at least he is truthful. All Merlin does is lie. He lies about his magic, the dragon, the real reason Morgana turned evil, and how Freya actually died.

Arthur killed her.

He didn't mean too, necessarily. He, technically, did want her dead, but that was because she was cursed. Cursed to become a terrible monster at midnight. He wasn't thinking, he just knew that the monster in front of him was killing his people, and he could not allow that. So, with one fatal slash, he condemned the beast to death. Freya along with it.

It was nice Arthur was going to take him to Avalon, but unnecessary. All it would do is bring back memories. It was a nice thought, but it would bring more harm than good. But Merlin accepted the invitation. He thought it was rude to decline the invitation, and would make Arthur feel ashamed at himself. Merlin knew how his mind worked. If Arthur couldn't make it up to him, it would ruin him. He would feel incredibly guilty and it would weigh on his mind, burdening him.

That's another reason Merlin felt bad. He didn't want to burden Arthur with the responsibility of her death. Merlin, in good conscience, could not do that. He just hoped Arthur would forget about her. Oh well, now he will just have to act like he forgives Arthur. Because, truthfully, Merlin still blames him.

_Finish_

**Really bad ending, I know, but this is it. I am not planning to make another chapter. I hope you enjoy, please review. Visit my other stories, check those out too.**


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